Stuck in the rain

It's just after midnight and barely awake I grab my coffe and start down the with a mist of sprinkles on my windshield I go..
Rain now not a lite drizzle but flash flood down pour, wipers beating back and forth traffic down to a crawl. Cars hitting walls and firetrucks crossing lanes with lights blazing and down the road I go..
Nine hours have passed and the rain is leading the way, My eyes and head hurt from the watching oh so careful, but still down the road I go
My day is almost done and rain has become liquid air or fog if you perfer so thick that the lineand road become one .. Into the lot I pull and park my rig, stopped I lay my head and can sleep now, for now my day is done...

As I see it

You never slow down, and I can't read your mind, so hanging on is what I do ...
I miss the thing you are to me, I try to be me, but that is a part I don't play well..
not only is this not you it is not me for when I look it, not you I see, and when I see you looking it's not me ...
I know what I am, and I know I need a lady in my life, for a body close to mine and a whisper that let me know the night is fine .
you tell me to feel what everyone should feel and I listen to what I know is real but still without someone I can't feel anything...
Tell me how to see tell me what to know and I show you the world in which I live and anything you know will fade away for the place I travel just in my mind have left this world so far behind ..

a long road

This is what I am, I travel the land from early morn to late in the eve.I'll watch the sun come up and I'll watch it go down. For me time has no meaning for I'm always running from here to there and back again. I may travel different road but the journey is still the same. The night hides the view that i must acknowledge when the sun can hide no more. With all the beauty in this land I see only the dim light on the pavement and the glaze over my eyes is like looking into another world at the end of the day. For what I see or don't seee doesn't really matter it a feeling that gets into your blood and I curse the day, but come tomorrow I'll turn around and start all over again ...

So you try and fail and when you know how it should be it still falls apart. Me I will sit back and watch since there is little to anything want to do My plans don't include telling anyone ...

So what could be Next

Well so far things don't or aren't going as planned but things just keep on going not that I want things to just stop but still looking for a break in the rentless effort to put things right. Which by my standards is all over the place and every time I get an excuse I know that there is a twisted reasoning behind it nwhich this has been f**ked up for so long hard to trun it around but wil happen sooner than later

It was so simple

You proved that it's not over you done everything you could to make sure that it would not end .. So this is where I should go away and take all my money with me even though you have secret accounts that are taking my money for thing that aren't there which to me is just a matter of being gone for awhile .. You see when you fucked it you messed up so now you either correct it or end it and since you didn't end it it should come to an end

It's getting late

Well maybe you delete this one too..You need the sex and money but in my case money is not going to be here for long i really don't see you coming around to me anymore so I'm taking my thing and moving on and you'll just ahve to find a new way of surviving... There will be no money and you can try to lie to some one else ....To say I didn't care was hurtful and you took all hope so being lied to I could have gone on but when there is no hope I done and will not try to help any more for when hope is all you live on and that is taken away then It's time to make a new start somewhere else...

Follow the Money

Sometime it just to much, You say all you need is sex and money and the rest doesn't matter. To bad since that is all there, I believe that life doesn't hsve to be that way and to take it all and give nothing back will work for those who bend to your wishes so keep pushing for an end will come soon ...

I talk because you take my words and twist them to sound the way you feel that they should be, even in a day when all you say does nothing to anybody so you hurt the one around you to prove how strong and controolling you are ...

Really means nothing to me I write crazy thing to keep my sanity ..It's like you can't wait for the next little bit of money to come in like tax return and then will spend it and act like nothing happened .. well so you think you can grow a business this way but it will bring it down ... I wish you no ill but money has come to an end and this control you have is not what you think it is ,, all and all you push I push back but to degrade someone to the point of what you show is unthinkable ...

New Morning

A new day is dawning and a way that seems to be enlighten by the past, even though it's still in the future life seems like it started over and I will for now be able to decide what I need to do and have the ability to do it. I read science tech and listen to ficton stories even try to write now and then.. But life isn't so simple some of the things I try to do like art is still influenced by violence and it hard for me to focus on the picture when my thoughts stray towards that type of thing. Need less to say art in any form is an expression of the inner self and what I get out of it is an experience that not only leads me in different directions but to a goal ... In fact I believe that with the light at the end of the tunnel there is actually a dirrection for me to work towards ...

So do any of this make sence I'm not really sure so I write amd life goes on as always I wish the best for anyone out there and for me too.

Well Life throws curves right and left over and over again. I try to be better from every experience, so they say that when a person is lied to a person can keep going it's when there is no chance of making any kind of life that a person needs to be a Hmm, not sure of the word I'm looking for... you kind of get the idea, I'm kind of at that point and I don't know or really care who reads this it's more for my mental balance than for good reading.

So this is the way life is to be and enjoying the smallest of things is very much in my future, even something as simple as a cool night in the ndim light of a street light

So this is what it isn't

I know why I cry
I see you lie, why does life cheat
We only wanted to live a simple life
now I hurt you every day
You make me hate the thing Iam
does this make it alright
I was never one to fight
So a weakness is
How hard does it have to hurt
you can't change the past
ruined as if nothing was wrong
you say if you weren't caught
it doesn't matter
IT DOES

So you Think we Play well Together

just have a thing or two to say about what I write, If you think it's a clue of how to manuplite me, let me set you straight. I am very open but with a restraint, I'll say what I mean but that means I also didn't say what I want too.
So confusing I am ,but me mind is my own .So follow me if you can. I'm really nice and understanding type so let's keep this civil and I say what I mean but to me is who I talk to ...
enjoy your day for my days out here are for me to spend around a thousand people and never even say hello to one of them ...

Feeling All Alone

Is this what I have to look foward too. Waiting not knowing whats going to happen next. Though this is not me in the picture, I see me many time over with nothing but my own thoughts to keep me company even when am in room full of people. I don't say this to be pitied but more so that it's not in my head eating away at me wondering what I should do about it. I have schemes and plans but am up there in years and for me to just now begin anew is not really practical so not even knowing where to begin. Maybe I've said to much or maybe they have already won and I just waiting for the end, I hope not but as my life has been it may not be far from the truth which is another word that doesn't seem to hold up in my life. I see now that I haven't played the game right when they were robbing and stealing from me anything even my thoughts I was just helping them anyway I could and now they are skilled at the art of deception and I am just learning this is the way they are...

So this I say for I'm not finished yet and may never win at this game, but there is a simple saying that holds true even in this, "I've done so much with so little that now I can do almost anything with next to nothing ."

Sometimes..

This is strange feeling I get, I see her standing there and it's so hard not to stare. She is simple and quite a sight, not knowing what to say seems a fright. so i walk on by and stay silent, when I'm exploding inside. This is normal I do believe, but hurts like a dagger you see. i dare not speak for a fool she will see, rejected once again will it be. Dream if you care for now I wear a smile till she knows it's me then as I wanted with a lovely I shall be.

Just My Way

Drove all evening until the morning Light,

Just the road before me hardly a soul in sight,

I listen to the radio by the dim headlight,

to keep my eyes watch and waiting for signs of life,

I cross this country here and then only thinking of beauty, my time I spend

to stop and smell the roses is what I do, but rolling over hills and staring at the moon ,

I must sleep now for my day is done to start anew when the sun has set .

Back to the Grind

Well the year has begun and I'm on the run down and the road I go ...
Life is strange and for me It seems to get stranger all the time, For one minute you know whats going on and the next nothing is as it seems ... I guess for me that's a good thing since I'm out here and dealing with complete stranger, is or at least not so close to them ...
May not be making much sense but when your world doesn't follow the normal path and decisions change almost daily, it's really hard to think or plan ahead, still I put what I do down here ... If nothing intersting happens then I can look back and says it was at least fun along the way ..